In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
