I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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