dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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