It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
