THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
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