My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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