Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
