I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
