Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
