i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
