im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
