first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
