their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
my liver is dry heaving
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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