So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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