if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
