So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
