OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
