There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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