I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
