I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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