Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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