you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
as a side note pls kill me
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