He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize