you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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