That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
