Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
