He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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