I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
