Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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