he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
