You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize