no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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