You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
God, I missed his penis.
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