i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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