your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Please, let me fuck your mom
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
