Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
