it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
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I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
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Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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