Did you just see the Batmobile???
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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