I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
