Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Is it because I queefed?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
