I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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