I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
