I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
