WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
