Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
