I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
