He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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