I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
