Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
