I will die if light touches me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
