He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
