i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
