he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Damn victory sex feels great
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
