dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
