Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
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I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
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I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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