I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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