You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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