found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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