i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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