went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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