I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
