Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
