Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
